Traveling the Grief Road

Five years down the Road:

In today's blog post, it will be a real-time post. I am taking a little side road off the grief road writing in real time. I just crossed the five-year mark. I have now been walking the grief road for five years, the picture I chose for this blog is mine. My daughter's headstone along with her sons. September 21,2018-September 21,2023 has now come and passed by just a few days. I want to speak to each of you and share some of my walking the road and how I have made it here. I will begin by saying the only way I have made it is by walking with Jesus Christ. Early on in my journey after burying these two and one more daughter (Brianna) I had a day where it all came crashing in on me. I was overwhelmed with grief and couldn't get it together, no matter how hard I tried. The floodgates of grief opened and there wasn't a damn holding them back.

The only thing that I could even begin to do was say, "Jesus help me."

*Psalm 34:6 (ESV) This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him and saved him out of his troubles.

I am going to share my personal testimony from that day. I needed to get out of my house so I decided to go to the lake. I drove to the lake, pulled out a chair from my car, and sat beside a tree. I gently heard the Holy Spirit speak to me and ask me to tell him what I saw. The very first thing I saw was a white dove fly over the lake, such a beautiful white dove. The next thing I saw was a fish jump out of the water, and when it went back into the water it left a perfect circle behind. This circle began to drift over to where I was sitting, and I continued to watch it. I began to ask Holy Spirit what this was, and I heard him say, "This represents the dross, silver has to go through the fire 7 times to be refined and you are in the fire." The refiner's fire, I thought, "Oh, I prayed to be refined by the fire." I never saw this coming.

*Zechariah 13:9 (ESV) And I will put this third into the fire, and refine them as one refines silver, and test them as gold is tested. They will call upon my name, and I will answer them. I will say ,'They are my people'; and they will say,' The LORD is my God.

The Lord then spoke to me again through Holy Spirit and said, "As long as you continue to focus on what you don't have anymore. Pictures, memories, holidays, birthdays, etc. this is where the enemy wants you. If you will refocus and be thankful for all the memories you have, pictures, birthdays, and holidays you had with your children this is where you will find Me." I received what Holy Spirit said to me, picked up my chair, and drove home.

I am sharing this part of my testimony in grief to help you along with your grief journey. We need help along the way. I have taken those moments at the lake and applied them to my journey for five years now. When I begin to drift too far into what I don't have anymore, I still hear the words refocus in my spirit. I still have moments that bring tears to my heart and eyes. I still have times that completely choke me up inside. I will and you will have these kinds of moments for the rest of our journeys on the earth. We don't get over the loss, we just have to learn to live with it and to live with it, you must learn to refocus. This time of the year is hard for me, all these anniversaries come along, and the kids' birthdays come along in this part of the year as well. There are a lot of constant reminders of what is gone around me. I walk through the moments and remind myself that to continue on I must refocus.

This is absolutely how I made it five years down this road. As we continue on down the journey we are each day getting closer to the day we will see those who are in Christ that have gone on before us. We must hold tightly to this hope that is found in Jesus. In those moments when all hope seems to be gone, this truth remains.

*1 Thessalonians 4:13-17(ESV) But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. For this, we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord.

This is where we find our hope, we must believe the Word and stand on the promises in the Word. To walk this out after the death of a child or children or a loved one. The only way to endure such a loss in our lives is with the hope we find in Jesus. I have leaned into this hope like never before, the day before death struck my journey I knew these verses. The day after death struck my journey I began to live them, trust in them, speak them in those moments that hurt so bad I could barely breathe. I want to encourage you to take this part of my testimony and make it personal for your own journey. Ask the Lord to help you make this personal for you. Ask the Lord to help you when you drift to refocus. Five years is something I couldn't see when I began my walk on the grief road. I honestly didn't want to. But here I am still walking one step and one day at a time. Each step has led me to the next one reminding myself (ALL) things are possible with God, even walking each step after the death of a loved one. I pray this blog brings you encouragement to keep walking and to keep trusting in Jesus to carry you down the grief road.

Follow me as I follow Jesus down

the grief road,

Tracey Lynn