The Grief Road: Denial or Disbelief

The next stop along this grief road is a stop called denial or disbelief. The shock has pretty much subsided by now and disbelief has become a reality. This stop is a very hard one to cope with. The pain is very real.

Let's talk about these two denial and disbelief.

Denial is a defense mechanism, it is an unconscious process that serves to protect a person from discomfort and anxiety. Understand that denial serves a normal function, especially in the beginning. It is your mind's way of protecting you from more pain.

Disbelief is when your brain doesn't want to believe or accept that your loved one is gone. You will find yourself saying phrases like, "Did this happen" or "It can't be true."

The loss of a loved one through death is one of life's most intense challenges we face this side of heaven.

The loss of a child is such an unnatural death to endure. There is nothing natural about a parent burying a child.

This stop along our road is different for each one of us. Some of us move past the disbelief rather quickly & some of us take more time to process. As I have mentioned previously none of these stops along the grief road are places we are to get stuck. Grief is a process, not a pitch the tent to be cemented in the ground to stay along our way. If we don't move along the road, it can be unhealthy for us. Spiritually and physically and certainly mentally.

Jesus is our help along our road, to make it down the road you need Him. You were never meant to do this alone. I don't know how to tell you to do it without Jesus, I can't imagine trying to go this alone. So many times I have said this in the last almost 5 years. To overcome the disbelief we have to come to the place where we accept that our loved one is gone & Jesus will help us to accept this. It never means you will like it or even understand all the reasons your loved one is not here anymore.

I want to say this now on this stop along the road. Death was not a part of God's original plan for humanity. The Bible tells us that death entered into our experience because of disobedience when Adam & Eve ate the forbidden fruit. (Genesis 2:17) "For when you eat of it, you will surely die."

Ever since the day mankind left the perfection of paradise, we have known something is wrong. Our bodies and emotions react against what should not be. We have many losses in this fallen state of humanity. Your reaction against what is wrong comes from a deep yearning for things to be made right. Loss can open us up to ultimate wholeness and restoration.

As you walk alongside me on this grief road, we are going to take 5 more stops along the way and as we do we will make it to a final destination of ( grieving with hope). It takes going through each stop to get there. Each place is important to your healing and restoration. Yes, you will reach the place of healing. You will never get over the loss of a child, you will be healed and restored to a place where you learn to live with it. This loss will be with us until the day we are reunited with our children and loved ones.

Also as we journey along we will see that death is an enemy to the LORD, which has been defeated at the cross. Even though we are still dealing with it now, it has ultimately been defeated. Jesus Christ died to defeat death. Death is only for a little while for those who believe in Jesus. There's coming a day when death will be no more. You must know the truth on the road you are walking.

The prophet Isaiah says in (Isaiah 25:8)

He will swallow up death forever, and the Lord God will wipe away tears from all faces. The rebuke of His people. He will take away from the earth; for the Lord has spoken.

As believers, we know that a much better day is coming when God himself will wipe away every tear from our eyes.

(Revelation 21:3-4) On that day there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

How startling and humbling is this heart-rending picture of God Himself reaching down in the most intimate and tender of gestures to brush away the tears from our faces? This image represents the Lord's ultimate victory over our greatest enemies at the culmination of history. The final enemy-death itself- will be destroyed and thrown into the lake of fire. (Revelation 20:14, 1Corinthians 15:26) thousands of years of human mourning, crying, and pain are wiped away forever when the old order of things has passed away. Did you catch that? Death is an enemy to the Lord and has been defeated.

Although we are still enduring death at this time in history we have to focus our hearts on the truth that one day there will be no more. This my friends is good news.

As denial & disbelief are a part of the process we must endure for now, one day this pain will be no more.

I want to leave you with a quote from one of my favorites from my childhood reading days.

What we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes part of us.

---Helen Keller

Follow me as I follow Jesus down the grief road,

Tracey Lynn