The Grief Road : Anger

Anger is our next stop along the grief road. I chose this image for this blog post because it represents the state of our hearts during this place along the road. Anger is a natural human emotion we all experience from time to time. Anger is a normal part of grief. Anger is also an expression of grief.

Death seems so unfair and is very hard to express. Anger, accompanied by this emotion is frustration. These two emotions seem to take some time to deal with when grieving. I believe one of the main reasons grief brings so much anger and frustration is the fact you have no control when it comes to death. This is one situation that you walk in no matter what, how, or when, there's no control. When death visits your life no matter how it comes it leaves you with a sense of no control.

There's no stopping this, I am not normally an angry person but death left me with moments that I experienced anger that just hurt. One of the biggest ones I can remember was something so small that it just hit me before I even knew I was hit. My husband took me to a local fast-food restaurant that we visit frequently. I ordered nachos that I had ordered a lot of, got home took a few bites, and all of a sudden I got so angry. I got up and threw my nachos into the trash and walked out of the kitchen crying. I suddenly remembered just a few bites in that this was the exact nachos I shared with my daughter the last few times we ate at the same restaurant together. These moments of anger seem to hit out of moments we have a memory of our loved one that we know we enjoyed while they were here, and the thoughts of knowing it won't happen again is overwhelming and brings anger.

Anger has so many levels to it and sometimes this becomes a stopping point on the road. Not just a rest area, a stopping point. And many times, often re-visited. I know for me I experienced anger again when my second daughter lost her life 7 weeks after the death of Kaley & Judah. This anger was different than the nacho moment, this anger was harder to overcome. I was just angry with the entire situation. I was so upset that my daughter Bri was even in that car that night. This anger was a stopping point for me that lasted longer than I wanted it to last. That's not easy to say. My husband was a target for some of the anger I went through. I'm thankful that he was willing to walk it out with me. The anger that follows death is different than just being upset or mad. This anger is deeply heartfelt. For my situation I wasn't able to stop it at all, I didn't want to be angry, but I was. I want to express fully that you have to walk this out. Don't stop it, you need to work through this part of the road.

Look at the picture that I chose to go with this blog again. The storm clouds, the ice upon the shoreline, the waves rolling in the water. This is a physical look at what happens within our hearts during this time of grief. The beauty of this is that once those clouds part and the sun begins to shine upon that shore the ice will melt and roll off into the water. This is such a beauty that rolls in after the storm of anger passes.

Jesus understands that we feel anger during grief. Did you know that? Take a look at these scriptures with me.

Let me set the scene for you, Mary & Martha's brother Lazarus had died due to an illness. Lazarus had been in the tomb for four days. Jesus makes his way to where they are and where Lazarus had been placed in the tomb. Both sisters were hurting due to the death of their brother. Mary even said to Jesus, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died."

John 11:33-37 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. And he said, "Where have you laid him?" They said to him, " Lord, come and see." Jesus wept. So the Jews said, "See how he loved him!" But some of them said, "Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this man from dying?"

I encourage you to go read this whole passage, I wanted you to see that Jesus had compassion on them and understood that death had caused them to be upset and I sense some frustration within Mary & Martha.

Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Death brings a broken heart & a wound along with it called anger. Submit your anger to Jesus and allow him to heal it. He is the healer and will heal this wound within your heart. Don't remain in a place of anger, it's not a permanent stop along this road. Remember we are traveling down and through the grief road. We are going somewhere on this journey and staying in one place prevents you from moving along and causes you to become stuck. It is okay not to be okay, but it is not okay to stay there. Let's keep traveling along.

Follow me as I Follow Jesus,

Tracey Lynn